A Cat in Heaven

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets Kitty at the pearly gate and says, "You have been a good cat all these years. You can have anything you desire. All you have to do is ask."

"Well," said Kitty, "I've lived all my life in a New York office and all I had to sleep on were marble floors."

"Say no more," says God, and instantly a fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic accident, and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer he made to the cat.

"All our lives," the mice say, "we've had to run. Cats, dogs, women with brooms have chased us. If we had roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore." God says he can take care of it and, instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of roller skates.

A week later God checks on Kitty, who is asleep on his pillow. God gently nudges him awake and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"

"Never been happier," says Kitty, stretching and yawning. "And those meals on wheels are great, too!"

Lent

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic--and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating red meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The Priest came to visit Bubba and suggested that he become Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass---and the Priest sprinkled holy water over him and said, "You were born a Baptist and raised as a Baptist but now you are Catholic." Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors. As the Priest rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary, and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you are a catfish!