Posters at the conservative website
www.freerepublic.com, who demonstrate their stunning grasp of world events by reposting e-mailed prayers, dictate from the
Presidential Prayer Team,
urban legend, and make stupefyingly narrow minded commentary on the place of the USA in the greater world. Freepers away from their keyboards are often found at gun shows, tractor pulls, bowling alleys, and drinking Mad Dog 20-20 in church dumpsters .
Freeper children are colloquially referred to as "Freeplings" and their families usually have several fathers. Freeplings are found in public schools as they unmask by challenging their biology teachers to debate on Charles Darwin and Evolutionary Theory; subjects to which they have not been exposed.
Freepers pride themselves on the inability to grasp math, science, language, or basic dental hygiene. Freepers commonly believe that the Bible was written in English, that the Confederacy triumphed during the Civil War, and that toothbrushes are the implements of a Satanic Communist plot spurred on by
the Cavity Creeps.
Freeper males may be distinguished by baseball hats, chewing tobacco stained beards, and low wage jobs. They also maintain a persistent odor of cheap whiskey and generic cigarettes.
Freeper females may be distinguished by baseball hats, chewing tobacco stains, and low wage jobs. They also maintain a persistent odor of cheap whiskey and generic cigarettes. Freeper females enter breeding age at twelve and often begin reproducing within their families at thirteen.
Many Freeplings are cross-eyed hemophiliacs.
Freepers thrive under the misconception that President Bush would like to share a warm Stroh's beer and Buffalo wings with them. They also believe President Bush is infallible, can heal the sick, and were it not for those meddling
demoncrats, would have already thrown the UN out of New York, invaded every other country on Earth to seed democracy, and lowered their taxes such that they could finally pay off their 1984 Chevy Custom Deluxe pickups.
Freepers fail English? Unpossible!
This week's Word was inspired by the lovely
Helen Wheels. Thanks! Readers know how this blog feels about substance abuse, country music, and inbreeding; don't vote Republican.
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