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Yoga Korunta

Life & Politics

Location: United States

One learns, as nothing endures but change.

14 November 2006

Tuesday's Word: freeper

Posters at the conservative website www.freerepublic.com, who demonstrate their stunning grasp of world events by reposting e-mailed prayers, dictate from the Presidential Prayer Team, urban legend, and make stupefyingly narrow minded commentary on the place of the USA in the greater world. Freepers away from their keyboards are often found at gun shows, tractor pulls, bowling alleys, and drinking Mad Dog 20-20 in church dumpsters .

Freeper children are colloquially referred to as "Freeplings" and their families usually have several fathers. Freeplings are found in public schools as they unmask by challenging their biology teachers to debate on Charles Darwin and Evolutionary Theory; subjects to which they have not been exposed.

Freepers pride themselves on the inability to grasp math, science, language, or basic dental hygiene. Freepers commonly believe that the Bible was written in English, that the Confederacy triumphed during the Civil War, and that toothbrushes are the implements of a Satanic Communist plot spurred on by the Cavity Creeps.

Freeper males may be distinguished by baseball hats, chewing tobacco stained beards, and low wage jobs. They also maintain a persistent odor of cheap whiskey and generic cigarettes.

Freeper females may be distinguished by baseball hats, chewing tobacco stains, and low wage jobs. They also maintain a persistent odor of cheap whiskey and generic cigarettes. Freeper females enter breeding age at twelve and often begin reproducing within their families at thirteen.

Many Freeplings are cross-eyed hemophiliacs.

Freepers thrive under the misconception that President Bush would like to share a warm Stroh's beer and Buffalo wings with them. They also believe President Bush is infallible, can heal the sick, and were it not for those meddling demoncrats, would have already thrown the UN out of New York, invaded every other country on Earth to seed democracy, and lowered their taxes such that they could finally pay off their 1984 Chevy Custom Deluxe pickups.

Freepers fail English? Unpossible!

This week's Word was inspired by the lovely Helen Wheels. Thanks! Readers know how this blog feels about substance abuse, country music, and inbreeding; don't vote Republican.



Blogger Rehabcourse said...

I recently published an article on drug rehab – here is a quote from it, in case you are interested:

Here are some alternatives you should think of:
Free standing inpatient drug rehab program – short term program for less severe addictions;
Inpatient drug rehab program – rehabilitation unit – for severe mental and physical disabilities;
Inpatient drug rehab program – detoxification unit – in general this program takes place on an outpatient basis, but sometimes withdrawal from either drugs or alcohol presupposes extreme measures to prevent relapse. It is important to help patients to change their old habits, and this may happen only through a longer-term disruption from the environment where everything remembers them of the urge to return to the substance of their addiction;
Long term residential drug rehab program – is important for those who would relapse easily (youth, chronic addicts, patients with more than one diagnosis etc.).

If you feel this helps, please drop by my website for additional information, such as drug addiction rehab information or additional resources on free drug rehab .


Mike Rad

Blogger Yoga Korunta said...

Not interested, but thanks for the concern.

Blogger quakerdave said...

Now, be careful with the baseball cap part. Freepers favor caps made with plastic mesh backs and plastic adjustable sizing bands, featuring advertising for various NASCAR drivers, Confederate flags, brands of beer or chewing tobacco, logos of clothing companies owned by Brittney Spears and her soon-to-be-ex husband, and/or silhouettes of reclining nude females. Never real baseball teams.

Blogger Yoga Korunta said...

Quaker Dave, you're right. They seem to prefer product endorsement and watching others drive in circles.


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